Understood. I’m going to be honest with you today. I’ve been a bit confused lately. I just can’t get my head around it. I’m not excited about my home projects. Life in general seems to tire me out. Every time I have to cook a meal I get annoyed and I feel like just grabbing a to-go meal from a restaurant and bringing it home for us. And I’d rather spend my days just sitting at my desk, checking in on my own life, and watching other people live their lives online while I scroll through Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.
I know that sounds a bit heavy-handed. It’s not depression. I don’t feel depressed. To be more precise, I’m just completely unmotivated. I don’t think I realized how frustrated and unmotivated I’ve been feeling lately until last night when a friend asked me how my projects were going and what I was working on, and my immediate response was something like, “Same old stuff. I’m just tired and wish I could just retire.” We talked about it a bit more and then I got in my car and drove home. And on the way home I thought to myself: “Do I really wish I could retire?“
The answer is no. That’s not it. Because if I were to retire, how would my life be different than it is today? In general (when I’m not in a crisis) I’m not the type of person who sits still for long periods of time. So if I were to retire, I would spend my days working on projects around the house. That’s just me, and that’s what I enjoy. And when I work on fun projects and do things, I want to share them with others. And I want to share them here…with you!
So on my short drive home, I realized very quickly that the problem isn’t that I want to retire and spend my days sitting at a desk and scrolling Instagram. That doesn’t sound like a fulfilling life to me at all. And yet I’ve definitely been in a slump lately where that’s all I want to do. So I had to find out why. Why am I lacking motivation lately? Why does everything seem like such a monumental task? Why would I rather just checkout, sit at my desk, and watch other people live their lives while scrolling through social media instead of living my own life?
So when I got home last night, still upset and with the reserved but constant feeling of frustration that I haven’t been able to shake lately, I allowed myself to sit at my desk and scroll through social media until bedtime, but told myself that would be the last time. I was determined to get up this morning with a new attitude and new motivation to get things done, even if I had to pretend until I really felt it.
Well, I accidentally came across a YouTube channel that caught my attention. The channel is called Organized Chaos and the woman’s name is Audrey. The algorithm took me to one of her YouTube shorts about how she keeps her house clean and organized. She seemed relatable and her tips seemed doable. So I clicked on her channel and continued watching her shorts. I don’t know how many I saw, but I saw a lot of them and was very inspired. I kept thinking: “THAT is what I want. THIS is how I want my house to feel. Clean, organized and everything in its place.”
So I woke up this morning determined to be inspired and motivated, even if I had to fake it, and as soon as I walked into my kitchen I felt overwhelmed and defeated. It was a cluttered mess with a sink full of dishes, and that’s when I realized that my lack of motivation lately was a big cause. It’s my kitchen sink.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but have you ever noticed how there is so much emphasis on a clean kitchen sink on these cleaning and organizing websites, YouTube channels, books, etc.? It’s been a very long time since I last read about the Flylady method, but if I remember correctly, cleaning the kitchen sink was one of the very first steps, if not THE first step. I remember something she said: Even if you have to pile dishes on the counter, you should just do it and clean the kitchen sink.
Well, there must be something to that because I haven’t managed to keep the kitchen sink clean in…well…months. And as strange as it may sound, I think that’s been a big part of my problem lately. On the one hand, I could count how many days I’ve had a clean kitchen sink in the last six months. Except for these few days, dirty dishes pile up in my kitchen sink. Case in point: This is my kitchen this morning.
And when it is, everything else seems like a struggle. Cooking meals goes from a simple task to a struggle. Cleaning kitchen countertops has gone from a simple task to a challenge. Having a home that looks, feels and smells clean seems impossible, and that then adds to my annoyance and frustration.
Why did my sink look like this most of the last six months? Well, it started when the garbage disposal stopped working. I have a single bowl sink and my experience over the last 10+ years is that with a single bowl sink with a garbage disposal, I sometimes have to turn on the garbage disposal just to drain the water. When the garbage disposal stopped working, even when I was very careful not to throw food in the sink, I couldn’t even get the water to drain properly.
I put “replace garbage disposal” on my to-do list and went about my business, worked on my other projects, and had to deal with an incredibly slow-draining sink for a few weeks. And since I don’t have a working dishwasher, trying to keep up with washing dishes with a very slow-draining sink that filled with water and took hours to empty caused me to procrastinate doing the dishes. So these started piling up.
I finally managed to purchase and install a new garbage disposal. I know I’ve mentioned several times that any type of plumbing job is my absolute favorite job, and that includes installing a new garbage disposal. And that’s why I put it off for several weeks. But I finally did it and finally had a properly functioning sink. So I was finally able to do all the dishes and completely clean my kitchen. It felt great…for about three weeks. And then, for some reason I can’t even explain, the garbage disposal stopped working, and I was back to the original problem: a sink that drains slowly, dishes piling up, and feeling like it’s impossible to keep my kitchen clean.
At this point I was so frustrated that I decided I was done with the garbage disposal. I know it’s not good to have them anyway, so I decided to forego it. This time I wanted to remove the garbage disposal entirely and redo the plumbing under the sink so that it was just a regular drain.
So I finally got around to it (I’ve been spending my time and energy on plumbing again, which I just can’t stand) and thought this would be the solution to my problem. No garbage disposal, no problems, right? Now everything should be working properly and I could finally get to grips with washing up, cleaning my kitchen and then keeping it clean.
No. I realized very quickly that a single sink with a drain and no garbage disposal was a major problem. As much as I try to scrape everything off of all of our plates and bowls before putting them in the sink, it seems like the smallest amount of food caught in the strainer causes the water in the sink to fill up again and the sink to slowly drain. Once again, trying to wash dishes was incredibly frustrating, and trying to keep a kitchen sink clean felt impossible.
And that’s where I am today. Every day I wake up to a sink full of dirty dishes and am afraid to clean them because the water just won’t drain. And then I’m left with a sink full of dirty water that leaves my sink dirty and dirty once it finally drains. That’s why I’ve hated being in my kitchen these past few months. I get frustrated every time I have to try to cook a meal. It annoys me that I can’t keep the kitchen clean.
Of course, all I have to do is call a plumber to fix everything for me and get my kitchen working again. As strange as it may sound, I truly believe that dealing with this stupid kitchen sink problem over the past few months has robbed me of my peace and motivation. When I feel like I can’t have a clean, organized, and fresh-smelling home, I start to feel depressed and lack motivation despite the many other projects I’m doing.
You’re probably wondering, “Why haven’t you called a plumber yet?” I think I tried to convince myself that I could wait to buy a new sink. I want a double sink from now on and the challenge is that for now I need it as an inset sink as that works with my concrete countertops, but when I renovate our kitchen I want an undermount sink. I didn’t want to spend money on a new sink every now and then and then have to buy another sink in the (hopefully reasonably near) future. So I tried to convince myself to hold on for a while longer. But I now realize that I can’t put this off any longer. I need an efficient, well-functioning kitchen, and that starts with a functioning kitchen sink. And I need it Now.
This not only includes a functioning sink, but also a new dishwasher. I’m back on board with the dishwasher and need to replace our broken one. This is another thing I wanted to hold off on until we start remodeling our kitchen, but I think it needs to be done now.
There’s just no reason why doing the dishes has to be so mentally taxing and frustrating. And there’s no reason why cooking a simple meal has to feel like a monumental task. And there’s no reason why a clean kitchen should be an unattainable goal. And yet this has been my challenge for six months (maybe longer). And it drains me and robs me of my peace and motivation. So I’m determined to put an end to it this weekend by first buying a new sink and calling the plumber.
